Unseen Signs of Tech-Enabled Abuse in Relationships

POLICY WIRE — City, Country — Modern relationships increasingly rely on technology, but what happens when digital tools are used to manipulate, isolate, or control a partner? Experts warn that technology-facilitated intimate partner violence (TFIPV) is becoming more common, yet often goes unnoticed.

Marnie, a 16-year-old who experienced controlling behavior in her first relationship, recalls how her boyfriend constantly checked in on her through messages, calls, and even showing up unannounced. What she initially saw as affection soon became a pattern of isolation and surveillance, which she only recognized as abuse years later.

TFIPV encompasses various forms of abuse enabled by technology, including tracking, password sharing, social media monitoring, and device access. According to Dr. Afroditi Pina, a forensic psychology expert at the University of Kent, these behaviors can be subtle and easily dismissed as normal relationship practices. However, when they lead to fear, intimidation, or loss of autonomy, they cross into abusive territory.

Experts like Jodi Leedham from Refuge highlight that many victims struggle to identify TFIPV due to its invisible nature. The rise of digital communication has made it easier for abusers to exert control without leaving physical evidence. In recent years, reports of such abuse have surged, with charities like Refuge noting a 78% increase in referrals for technology-facilitated abuse between 2025 and 2026.

Dr. Nina Jane Patel, a research consultant, emphasizes that the language of trust can mask coercive behavior. Practices such as checking in frequently, demanding access to devices, or expecting constant availability may seem harmless at first, but they can become tools of control over time. Victims may not see it as abuse because there’s no visible harm, she explains. But the psychological impact can be just as damaging.

Young people, especially Gen Z, are particularly vulnerable due to their early exposure to digital tools. A survey by the Australian e-Safety Commissioner found that nearly a quarter of respondents considered password sharing reasonable, while over a third viewed constant location tracking as acceptable. This normalization makes it harder for individuals to recognize when boundaries are being crossed.

Experts recommend paying attention to patterns of consent and power dynamics. A healthy relationship should allow for privacy, autonomy, and mutual respect. When one person feels pressured to share passwords, respond instantly, or alter online behavior to avoid conflict, it may signal an imbalance of power. The key is whether someone feels they must manage their online presence to prevent a partner’s anger, says Pina.

Patel also points out that many young people lack the vocabulary to describe their experiences. Controlling behavior is often rebranded as “jealousy” or protectiveness, rather than being labeled as abuse. We need to teach people how to recognize these patterns and speak about them openly, she says.

Refuge and other organizations have identified nine warning signs of tech-enabled abuse, including excessive monitoring, social media interference, and emotional manipulation. Recognizing these signs early can help prevent long-term harm. If you or someone you know is experiencing this form of abuse, support is available through national helplines and online resources.

Reporting by Policy-Wire (PW)